Understanding miscarriage is not simple. It can bring sadness, anger, fear or guilt, often all at once. This post aims to offer reassurance, information and support as you navigate this difficult time.
Losing a baby at any stage of pregnancy can be deeply shocking and heartbreaking.
A miscarriage happens when a baby (or fetus or embryo) dies in the womb or fallopian tube during pregnancy. In the UK, this refers to pregnancy loss up to 23 weeks and 6 days; any loss from 24 weeks onward is called a stillbirth.
If this has happened to you, or to someone you care about, I am so sorry. This is an incredibly painful and difficult experience. Please know you’re not alone. My hope is to offer understanding and support that may help make this very hard time a little easier to bear.
Counselling can offer a gentle, safe space to talk about what’s happened, explore your feelings, and begin to make sense of your experience. It can also support you in understanding miscarriage in a way that feels personal and meaningful to you, helping you find steadier ground as you move forward.
Every pregnancy loss is unique, and there’s no right or wrong way to feel.
Losing a baby can bring a wide range of emotions : sadness, anger, guilt, fear, even relief. You might also feel lost, disconnected, or unsure about what comes next. You may recognise some of these feelings or thoughts:
- I feel overwhelmed and exhausted
- I can’t seem to rest
- I feel empty inside
- I don’t know how to support myself or my partner and family
- I’m scared about what’s going to happen next
- I feel angry that this has happened
- I blame myself
- I feel guilty
- Why did my body fail me?
- I feel lost and lonely
- I feel relieved
- I feel anxious and out of control
- I feel jealous of friends or family who have had, or are having, successful pregnancies
Carrying all these feelings alone can be heavy and isolating. Talking about them at your own pace can help release some of that pressure and bring a sense of calm and understanding. It can also help with understanding miscarriage in a way that feels less overwhelming and more compassionate towards yourself.
Understanding miscarriage: You are not alone
You’re certainly not alone in this. Research shows that around 1 in 8 pregnancies end in miscarriage in the UK [1], making it a common yet still deeply personal experience. Others estimate about 10-20 % of known pregnancies end in loss, and many people discover they know someone who’s been through it too [2].
When you feel isolated, uncertain or overwhelmed, these numbers can help remind you that countless people have felt something similar and have found ways to move forward, step by step. Even so, your pain and your story are uniquely yours and matter just as much.
My hope is that you’ll feel less alone today and more connected to others who truly understand. Here, you can find space to feel what you feel, ask the questions you need to ask and begin to make sense of your experience in your own time with kindness and care.
Understanding miscarriage: What’s next for you?
Asking for help after a miscarriage can feel really hard. It’s also common for pregnancy loss to affect relationships, your other children if you have them, your partner, wider family, work, and your sense of enjoyment in everyday life. You may find yourself searching for answers, wondering about trying again, feeling fearful about the future, or questioning your sense of self as you begin understanding miscarriage and what it means for you.
My experience
I understand not just professionally, but personally. I’ve experienced miscarriage myself, and at times it left me disoriented, heartbroken, and full of grief with a deep sense of injustice. I remember feeling that my body had somehow let me, and others, down.
Through my work with The Miscarriage Association, I’ve had the privilege of supporting many others who’ve felt these same emotions.
How it may feel
A miscarriage can feel lonely, painful, and disorienting on a deep level. As Michelle Obama wrote so movingly in Becoming:
When you have one, you will likely mistake it for a personal failure, which it is not. What nobody tells you is that miscarriage happens all the time, to more women than you’d ever guess, given the relative silence around it.
—Michelle Obama, Becoming (2018)
If her words resonate with you, please know you don’t have to face this alone. Support is available, and gentle healing is possible. Counselling can help with understanding miscarriage and what it means for you, offering space to feel supported and heard as you find your way forward.
Frequently asked questions
Is miscarriage a traumatic event?
Miscarriage can be a traumatic experience, and everyone’s response is different. It can bring feelings of grief, anxiety, depression, and sometimes symptoms of post-traumatic stress (PTSD).
How can I stop obsessing over miscarriage?
It’s natural to think about what happened, especially when you’re trying to make sense of it. Grounding techniques, mindfulness and gentle daily routines can help. Talking with others who’ve been through a similar experience may also bring comfort and support you in understanding miscarriage and how it has affected you.
I feel like closing myself off. Is that normal?
It’s completely understandable. Sometimes, taking time for yourself is part of the healing process. When you’re ready, reaching out for support can help you feel less alone.
How do I move forward after miscarriage?
Give yourself permission to grieve and to feel whatever comes up, without judgment. Lean on trusted friends, family, or support groups if you can. Counselling can also offer a safe place to talk, process what’s happened, and find gentle ways to care for yourself and your relationships as you heal.
Hope and healing after miscarriage
Reaching out can feel daunting, but you deserve care, compassion and space to heal. If you’d like support as you process what has happened and begin understanding miscarriage in your own way, I’m here to walk alongside you, at your pace, with warmth and understanding. Together, we can explore what you need now and help you feel steadier, step by step.
